she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
