Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
