it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
the condom got lost in my hair
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
