Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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