I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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