I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
