Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
