what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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