dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
