Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize