Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
