This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
