i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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