Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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