He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
