So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
