Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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