Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
