She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
