please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
