Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
