He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I pour the whiskey from now on
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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