I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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