My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize