It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Farmville is her only friend.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
