Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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