i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Randomize
