i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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