You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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