i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
