Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
