did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
