um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
