Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Shame - the story of my life.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
