I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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