my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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