Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
