I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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