Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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