For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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