dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
