he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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