True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
