How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Found your dick twin last night
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
