I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
