its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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