The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
