I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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