Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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