I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You've changed since you got that strap on
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
