Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
