Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
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My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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