Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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