It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize