in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
