So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
