he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
