dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
