Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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