There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
