I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize