my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
