Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
