i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
