I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I still have a little drunk in my system
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize