she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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