bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
