Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
