It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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