i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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