it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
