i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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