8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize