I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
