if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
