he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
