The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
