they need to just BURY HIM!
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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