I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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