no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
someone owes me an orgasm
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
