You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
